How that toxic workplace could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you
Written by: Rebecca O’Brien, Psychologist
I’m going out on a limb here - your toxic workplace could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
I am not dismissing, invalidating or victim blaming but I am of the opinion that workplaces are a breeding ground for our unconscious patterning.
So, what is unconscious patterning you might ask?
Unconscious patterning is behavioural and thought patterns that are largely subconscious, they show up in your life as repetition. Some examples of unconscious patterning might be choosing emotionally unavailable partners, a series of betrayals or even patterns of illness that reoccur through your life. They are left over coping strategies from early life that no longer serve you.
When you are ready, you are able to call them into consciousness and release them for more functional and joyful patterns of thought and behaviour. Don't get me wrong - this process is hard, often involving a lot of grief, but I promise you, it's worth it and you won't be alone in the process.
It is idealistic to believe people are able to compartmentalise and present adult selves at all times in the workplace but when you shed light on any unconscious patterning, you are able to step into empowerment.
It is not always necessary to leave a toxic workplace, but it is always necessary to shed unconscious patterning that is dragging you into the elements of toxicity within that workplace.
Here are the aspects of yourself you will need to examine to move away from workplace toxicity.
Victim consciousness:
This patterning is within us all and we all fall into it at one time or another in our lives. You might know it as a body sensation- hunched shoulders, poor posture, hang dog face. You might know it as a set of thoughts “Why me?” and “Its not fair”. These are common sentiments of victim consciousness. Perhaps you know it as behavioural, it might look like trying hard to please everyone at your own expense in order to feel a sense of safety.
However it shows up in your life, it is an invitation. The invitation being to step into empowerment. If you’re feeling victimised by the culture in your workplace or the people around you, its time to sit down with yourself and ask some serious questions:
Why am I letting myself be treated in a way that makes me feel small/unsafe/ undervalued?
What is it in me that is scared to say no/ leave or stand up for myself?
These questions are to be framed gently to yourself and preferably after a period of silent meditation. The answers are generally clearer and less imbued with self-criticism.
The Sell Out consciousness:
This aspect of ourselves involves self-betrayal – what are we willing to give of ourselves in order to feel safe/ valued / powerful? Are we willing to compromise our values to earn more money or to receive approval from a client or management? If you have found yourself in a cycle of self-betrayal in order to please others, this too is your invitation to examine what part of your consciousness is scared to step into empowerment.
Questions to ask after a period of meditation include:
What are the perceived consequences of me staying true to myself and my values in this situation?
Have I ever spent time acknowledging and calling into consciousness my values?
What does integrity mean to me?
Child consciousness:
When the child consciousness is triggered, we feel overwhelmed. Child consciousness is a younger part that comes online leaving us feeling out of our depth and incompetent. We are all triggered into this state at various times by anything from a smell to a tone of voice. You will know you are in your child consciousness through a fight or flight body response, foggy thinking and feeling overwhelmed by small tasks. The invitation here is to acknowledge this is an old part of you. You are an adult now - resourceful, resilient and capable. It is simply a matter of knowing when you shift into child consciousness, validating that part as a part that perhaps was asked or expected to cope with events or feelings it was not equipped to cope with at the time, then self-soothing and moving back into the adult part which is competent and capable of handling the current situation.
If you are at the beginning of your journey to recovery, you might not be familiar with these parts of yourself. This might be a journey best done with a therapist or with the assistance of resources such as books and podcasts on how to free yourself from old patterns and step into empowerment. Either way, it is a journey we are all on and until we recognise the toxic aspects around us are simply invitations into empowerment, we will continue to fall into the unconscious patterning of the Victim, Sell Out and Child.
Other patterns we might find ourselves involved in include the Saboteur or Inner Critic, the Persecutor or the Rescuer. You might recognise some of your own patterns here, I guarantee you won’t be alone!
If you’d like to break these patterns and step into empowerment within your workplace or relationships - reach out to a therapist or accredited executive coach to support you make the transformation in your life you’ve probably been wanting to make for a long time now.
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Disclaimer: The material contained in this article is provided as general information only. It is not, nor is intended to be legal advice. If you wish to take any action based on the content of this article, we recommend that you seek professional advice that considers your specific context, needs and requirements.
